I’ve recently reopened my dream folder on my computer and have had some interesting ideas spring forth. Before I can allow myself to feel comfortable with the dream, I need to explore why another model of it failed.

We were successful in our mission. We excelled at peer to peer groups, financial assistance, and helping social workers and first responders with veterans in crisis. Our mission statement was supported by both the State and Veterans Healthcare Administration. Vet to Vet operated on a contract with the VA which allowed us to keep authority on how grant money was utilized to help veterans and pay volunteers for travel because it was a rural state and most meeting were 3 hours drives one way for some proctors.

Volunteers often were failed by the administration of our organization. Peer to peer specialist were not seen as professionals by some doctors in leadership positions at the VA (edited note: I don’t know exactly how to address this because Peer to Peer only works as a non-professional entity, but the administrative side was very professional leaning). I entered Vet to Vet when we were able to gain certification through the DBSA; however, I was injured and hospitalized during the training process, mentally. I finished the training later online. Volunteers most often had an assortment of personal issues, I.e. traumatic brain injuries, substance abuse (this was a disqualifier in most active use situations), mental health, and, or housing issues. Since we couldn’t pay every volunteer we quickly lost very talented people.

We failed to apply to appropriate grants. Exhaustion of the president who over extended himself and worked even when burned out was a major issue. He took the work home with him, the phone was always on, he answered calls from first responders to enter buildings with dangerous veterans when the police wouldn’t even go in first to talk them down, the president was not allowed to legally drive and had to count on other volunteers to drive him most places. He had experience, which led to his headstrong attitude towards authorities. Fighting with the VA admin and Doctors was common because we would deny some patients financial aide (within our scope and power by contract to do) most often I knew the cause because of my role as vice president. I myself was inexperienced, my administrative and logistics background kept me steady. I made a few mistakes in groups, every group lead does. My biggest mistakes were usually from being a yes man at certain times when I didn’t have the strength to say no.

Instead of shutting our doors, and ending the helpful financial assistance and peer to peer groups. We should have consolidated a few years prior. The urgent needs of OIF and OEF veterans returning caused a fast pace environment to sweep us away. We had oversight but they too were drowning in new patients and policies. Consolidating in my vision would look a lot like my current dream.

I want to start a micro foundation or non profit that provides the same level of financial assistance for emergency needs. Needs limited too $250 per distribution, for food, shelter, some medical expenses, transportation needs, and utilities only limited to cell phone, electric, water, gas, or land line, maybe internet access. These issues can lead to crisis and recidivism. Leaving Peer to Peer groups for trained Peer to Peer Specialist employed by the VA and outlying clinics.

The pros of my dream. I have past experience, a strong support system, a heart that wants to learn to accept yes or no answers from people with more education and experience, a degree that matches this fields depth, life experience with logistics and business administration, successful grant writing experience, public speaking experience, and a few contacts from my days in Vet to Vet.

The cons of my dream. Stress can easily wipe me out, I am a caretaker who isn’t in a position to waste extra energy on anything but my own self care in the present moment, I have had experiences where saying yes was harmful to the organization, however, that yes was a group decision, I don’t know enough people to be on a board of directors that I trust to have the same vision I do at the current moment, starting from scratch I would need to finance some of the research for the initial grant myself, there is a long checklist to accomplish which is both a pro and con. The con being stress for me equals depression mode.

My desire is to help veterans in crisis in hopes that the small help will have large impact.

In closing, the dream is doable. It comes down to a checklist and about 24 to 48 hours worth of administrative work and a couple weeks of research and data analyzing. Having a template for a lot of the checklist already I am a step ahead when I am able to launch this dream.