Bi-Polar Out of Control

***Trigger Warning*** (Bi-Polar Psychosis, Mania, Depression, Suicide, Hospital Stay, Divorce, LGBTQ+) I remember the first ER visit. How scared everyone was and how much of a euphoric high my emotions had me on. I saw a quote from Ozzy Osborn recently that explained it, (paraphrased) “I was so out of control and I thought I…

First Time I Noticed My Mental Health

This will be short. I often try to identify when things started to go askew in my mind. I remember at the age of 10 having a strong realization of how alone I was. It was an extremally powerful emotion that I had to work through in the moment. The feeling was validated for years…

Dream Like State

Slow down, hold onto me, Everything’s a downer, taking downers, Slipping down dreams, Like playing chutes and ladders, Climbing to high places, Sitting high watching the colors float, Boats drifting down, As we row, row, row, Row your boat, Down channels, Changing channels, hearing beat after beat, Attack the ear lobes, Ear drums making beats,…

Cycle After Cycle, Still Drowning

Broke man, poor pockets, still giving till the end, Jacket there, last twenty here, Living life to the fullest, Blasting music, riding wild down country roads, Drinking till five in the morn, Mourning deep loss, unspoken pain, Drown’n in a bottle, Floating around, alcoholic circles, Regular at the bar, Passing out as many cigs as…

COPING MECHANISMS, WHATS YOURS?

It amazes me how depression kills my creativity and productivity. I wanted to take a moment and thank anyone who views, likes, or follows what I create. You all encourage me through those dark times. I follow the advice of author Patrick Ruthfuss. He once said in a VLOG (paraphrased), ‘if you write something, write…

Delve Into Swinging Emotions: Exploring My Bipolar Symptoms

Today was a busy timeline of emotional swings. I felt anger, joy, sadness, free, hyper active, slow and dull, while being nervous and shaking from time to time. I’ve come to learn from this cycle that I may be on the upswing to become manic which with as bad as this emotional tornado has been…