Depression is a sneaky monster that wears many masks. It likes to hide under the bed and grab a-hold of my leg when I wake up. Depression continues to drag itself around the house as I try to shake it off. Eventually I wear out and I sit down. Sitting down is what it wants though, it wants me to sit so it can come up behind me and whisper into my ear all the thoughts that make me want to crawl back into bed.
What Depression hates is when I find something to pour my soul into. Depression dislikes when I’m able to put any drive into a project because it weakens Depressions form. Depression becomes like a mist, still there, lingering, and hanging about; but, Depression doesn’t have the power to whisper or grab firmly anymore.
When I don’t have a project Depression’s tendrils slip around my ankle, its suckers gripping me and suck from the body. Sometimes Depression gets a-hold between a project or when a project becomes stagnant and it becomes hard to swim out of the mire. I have not figured out an effective way to combat Depression during those stagnant times.
Fist fights with Depression don’t work because Depression is ethereal. Being angry and enraged won’t do because people that surround me don’t understand my emotions. Pushing through is like swimming up a waterfall, but its all I’ve been able to do lately.
Talking about the pain and darkness that is Depression has driven people away in my life. Losing those relationships has given Depression ammunition to use during those long dark mornings. There seems to be no back peddling to a time that would mutually benefit a better relationship. People don’t see the change that has occurred in my life because they have not stuck through the darker times.
A lot of pain with little solution. A lot of reason for Depression to rear it’s head. Now would be a perfect time to focus on the positives. A real good time to tell myself what I’m good at and how well I do at certain things.
It is not every day that I wake up with Depression grabbing my ankle anymore. I have a few good projects that keep my time occupied and Depression’s whispers at bay. A few good friendships have popped up unexpectedly taking the place of the relationships I lost during the darker times. Music finally brings joy instead of rage to my life.
Even though Depression is still an active part of myself I have a new budding friendship with Satisfaction. I met Satisfaction when I framed my first watercolor painting. Surprisingly I would of thought Satisfaction would of come around when I graduated college, maybe Satisfaction did; but, I ignored Satisfaction to focus on Depression.
I hope Depression keeps at bay today and Satisfaction lingers. Working on this blog helped. Perhaps I’ll clean the house.