***Trigger Warning*** (Bi-Polar Psychosis, Mania, Depression, Suicide, Hospital Stay, Divorce, LGBTQ+)
I remember the first ER visit. How scared everyone was and how much of a euphoric high my emotions had me on. I saw a quote from Ozzy Osborn recently that explained it, (paraphrased) “I was so out of control and I thought I was normal.” I experienced a range of emotions before blacking out and having a bi-polar mania induced psychotic episode. I remember being shown poetry I didn’t remember writing which spoke about me being the light of God, being told by family members I had threatened them, some of the weirdest dreams of my life. I was a bit scared. I spent three weeks there. My marriage instantly fell apart, I started exploring my sexuality, I delved into dangerous things and had no care in the world for any danger I put myself into. Speeding, spending, I felt like a God. When I look back, I cringe, I don’t recognize the person I was, there was a spirit to it that is not me.