The military taught me to be fifteen minutes early to be on time. It also taught me that the day should be broken up into time slotted events. If the plan of the day was broken in any way the mission would be put off schedule and someone would be in trouble.
These habits carried over with me into my personal life. They created an unhealthy atmosphere of expectation for myself and family. I worried constantly about being on time. There was an expectation that when events were planned that the time schedule would be followed. Of course my family didn’t adhere to the same principals and it created conflict.
The conflict became apparent to me and I realized that my scheduling was unhealthy so I did away with everything. I lacked any sense of structure. However, I still had a drive inside me to be what the military created. This created depression and separation inside myself because I felt I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. I wouldn’t be consistent with my decisions.
I lived like this for many years. Recently I was given a new option which I hadn’t taken into consideration before. A compromise. Create a schedule of the day; but, don’t create time slots. Instead follow the plan of the day no matter the time and also take my time and don’t rush through the day.